today's learnin journey was.. (guess) at the ~*
field trip...but it was ok, cos the jie-mei gang had fun doin our space game thing as well as joy and my box-room dancing..the
! WoOHoO. and
today. i'm easily satisfied. yup. *sigh*
Tuesday, May 24, 2005 | 5:55 AM
*~mic~*: yup. finally, i'm blogging. again!!! seems lyke this blog has been changed to carmen's blog-only carmen. but i dun care larh. anyway, got a lot of hw to pia, GP, Bio, Maths, Phy, Chem...practically everything. i'm feeling guilty here blogging on my com. cos i still got PW to discuss. feel tt my group members are starting to get bonded, tt's a nice thing to rejoice abt. i was or should i say tt the J1s were asked to set goals today. both long term and short term. my goal might seem crazy or unbelivable, but, yup, i wanna be a veterinarian. not juz any normal one. muz be an accomplished one. cos i'm materialistic larh. $$$, fame and power appeals to me the most. but then i dun think anybody can get rich from being a vet right? anyway, the entry requirements for vet science is triple science. feel lyke dropping phy at the moment. but i believe tt i ought to give phy another chance. cos i wanna prove tt female can also excel in tt bloody subject=)
another goal- to haf a solo musical performance. crazy right? but ya. feel tt learning music for >10 yrs and not hafing any performance is really a waste of time(& talents..wahaha). really lyke tt concert miss tan organise last yr(and the year be4). though i sucked, but the whole world seems to belong to u during the time where u touched the keys until ur hands leave them....wonderful. can nv get tt kind of feeling from being a vet.
back to vet dream. muz study for 5 yrs in Auz. money, shouldn't be a prob but i muz survive w/o mahjong for 5 yrs....hm. really challenges ur endurance.
i'm very ambitious...i got a lot of goals. A LOT!!! and almost all of them are those kind which are termed as "impossible". but if i'm willing to dream and persevere, then i will be rewarded right? not quite true for me... something cliche: the higher ur goals, the greater ur fall. i noe my friends will be there for me when i fall but living in a world wherby u fall everyday, all the time, ur life is kinda sad case right? might as well give up ur life cos u r juz wasting time of the others....
one more goal- if the vet thing is gonna fail me, i want a white collar job. one whereby all the pressure can crush u til u buay ta han.... love to work in pressurising conditions...then can excel.
but i shouldn't say it tt way, cos a goal= a destination tt u want to arrive at. so by setting this goal is juz to haf a safety net for myself. which i should not. right?
got loads more things to write. but can't....feel so resticted. wad a blog...
| 4:43 AM
I am so friggin estatic even typin tis. hm. i just squished a bug on the com screen. Today 24 May is a good day…Faisal said I had gone into giggling fits afta the “
first encounter” -_-;; Ahh, I love the library…well, not exactly cos the place stinks and the books are limited. But…Woohoo, can’t over expose myself...*blushes* shiteez, its not my fault. Also i finished cheena oral- seems ok. Reynolds was nice abt my dropping lit. Sighz. No doubt i've got lit in my blood, but sacrifices hafta to be made...
.for you.
Wishing. Fantasy. Dreams.
Reaching for the Impossible.Facts are scientific, but the heart rules the mind.I wanna keep tis dream alive.
Thursday, May 19, 2005 | 1:41 AM
.tournamt's over. positive ppl say "aim for the stars, at least u'll reach the sky." pesimistic ppl said "the higher u place ur hopes, the harder u'll fall." why was it the latter for me? i lost control. i lost focus. then, i lost all hope. i juz know i'll lose my 30th position. i can juz feel it. i hate it.
When the world expected you at your best
and you held on so tightly to your pride.
you'll never know how hard it was to fall.
Fail at accomplishing the hard fought battle,
to taste defeat only at the end.
Hot tears stream endlessly,
no one hears the inaudible shatter of my heart.
crying's no use. but i just can't stop.
Monday, May 16, 2005 | 2:29 AM
so, tmrs the
doubles tournnamt. Is tpjc ready? Am I ready? I dont know. Im clueless as to whether I can face the world tmr and say "Todays the day I shine!"… Cheryl said we’re currently in 8th, 9th place? How much lower can we possibly get? Even SR and M beat us. Us. Them. Shiteez. But hey,
Kel and Claire’s cumin to support us tmr! Yes, its durin sch hrs…hehe. Go figure.
Even angels have fun. I think. And I need to shed pounds. Yup. Please, dun say I’m bimbotic or was sort cos I’m not. I’m juz health conscious as well as conscious of the fact tt there’s
2.4 km run in july (o_Q)". Double shiteez.
All I can do is trust in His plan.
Wont you Lord, take a look at our hearts?
Mould it & Refine it
As you set us apart.
We want to run to the altar,
& catch the fire;
to stand in the gap between the living & the dead.
Saturday, May 14, 2005 | 3:17 AM
Singles was not good. i totally
couldn't get my pocket shots to work. hence the avg's hardly 150. which, obvious, is nothing compared to those power scores of the other jcs. i figured a 180 avg is needed if i ever shud achieve anything.
I WANT to achieve something.
i NEED to make it work. but everyone's scores, though not poor-faring, aint superbly fantastic, which is wad other jcs' are doin. shiteez. and our team one wasn't playin superbly skyhigh scores. good, but not enough. and it's so hard puttin on a strong frnt when evryones' down. even myself. hence i've adopted tis frm chelle, read:
beneath that smiling maskhides a heart shattered in tears.but for everyone, come,put the mask on again...that's me. i try my best, i'll keep trying.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005 | 6:27 AM
so wad they say is true. there
IS a silver lining. bowlin taining permitted my absence frm 12.10 onwards frm klaz. may i add looks of disdain and complaints frm ppl, esp kel, who went: u piece of slackin shit. ponn lessons arh. haha. too bad, had one hr break b4 leavin for victors. of which i spent chillin in canteen. ANYWAYS, the silver lining comes in the form of
my 209 game today. how at first i t was screwy as i
lost my hooker skills. then kiren told mi to change line and all and woohoo, i was onaroll. yeah. i guess stuff happens. m so blurdi tired, but still went to swim afta tt. thot it wud be relaxin. i was wrg apparently. cos i'm half-dead now doin
pi and i still got chem 1.1-1.4 tut to study for test.
crappiness roams.
chem's sucha bore. but mdm S's leavin in june. says lumberjackie. woah. is tt gd or bad?
Monday, May 09, 2005 | 8:13 AM
happiness is juz round the corner-i mean my tournamt. had traing at safra. was lyk tt. couldn't do a 200+ miracle though. bu hey, tis fri's not at safra. it's at marina. where i got my 200++ gameS. yeah. woohoo. and once again, weird silly stuffs gotta happen. lyk durin bowlin. shall explain to closer frenz. which is prob u, who reads tis. lyk hello bowlers, ima lit student, how cld i possibly hav missed out on those really obvious hints?! never undermine a girl's intuitions...
Friday, May 06, 2005 | 8:02 PM
yester was fri. sportsday. was supposed to go cyclin with kel, chelle, clarie and joy. but oopsie! bowling meetin's compulsory for all compeititive bowlers. and so, i resigned to my fate. and wad a mistake i made.
i failed to escape, resigned to fate
went formal, disillusioned with it with normal.
when it ends, all else ended, and my joy was suspended.
i returned home, cold, drenched and all alone.
so my jie mei-s, see how much i cherish ya? but joy said yall thot of me and kept goin 'wished carmen was here'...aww swetness. *virtual hugs to all ya four* shall hug ya for real on mon.